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Random Football Musings Set to Music

by My Brother Woody

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5 packs please Mr. Shopkeeper So many stickers but just one I needed 12 Ian Dawes and 15 Davy Langans but still not even one Kenny Samson Getting close to needing just the last 50 Can send away then, hope the post arrives swiftly 9 Ron Atkinsons and 8 Ronnie Whelans but still not even one Peter Beardsley I've gotten in too deep This sticker book I must complete Selling spares for extra money Schoolyards filled with rumours of conspiracy No ones ever seen a John Lukic Collecting stickers is a bitch Someone told me that 5 towns over They're selling stickers, never seen here before 10 Cooper/McCoists and 7 Duffy/Forsyths but still not even one McStay/Whyte
Manager laments availability Constant tinkering, team lacks stability Keepers a complete liability Once known for his unflappability Defence lacks reliability No one taking responsibility What we need is Bouncebackability Bouncebackability (bounce back) ability Bouncebackability Midfield mired in predictability No one playing to their capability Front men scoring, an improbability Losing, an inevitability Fans calling for accountability To win again, should be a possibility What we need is Bouncebackability Bouncebackability (bounce back) ability Bouncebackability
50p Head 03:01
Keep it on the ground no more high balls in with my 50p shaped head you know how that's gonna end Ball at my feet I can do anything Pass, move, shoot Great goal, another win But there's always one big problem... Heptagonal shaped attracting open mouth gapes that same fans chant, fills me with dread hes got a 50p, hes got a 50p head, 50p head Any direction The ball can go its a Total lottery Squirm as the crowd mocks me Another aimless hoof from our centre back Screams, get yer head on it Dunno to cry or laugh but oooooohhhhhh here comes that chant again
Keep telling myself, its not over yet 3 points today, and other results could go our way There no doubt, I'm an optimist cos in 6 days and a bit, seems I've forgot, we're fuckin shit Another Fuckin Weekend Ruined I hate this team, we're forever doomed Another Fuckin Weekend Ruined and I'm in a filthy rotten mood Another Weekend Ruined Its the hope that really kills ya know Its all so easy to predict But I throw out all logic Come 3 0 Clock again on Saturday Dreaming of a rare win, I admit But no, we're still fuckin shit Overpaid players but I'm underwhelmed They care nothing as the club debt swells Just wanna see a little pride in the shirt It should mean something, It should hurt
Trying to pretend I'm listening Saying just enough to get by A nod and a smile at just the right time Cut off out here from everything No TV or Internet to be found Media blackout all around Praying for a signal C'mon Internet...Connect There's very little time left Saturday, Its 3 O Clock and I'm completely cut off Someone tell me what's the score, Is that so much to ask for? Maybe for a minute I could slip away? Stranded on Saturday. Somehow how I gotta get some info Could find a TV in a shop window Need an excuse fast, a reason to go
Literally 03:39
Literally, Literally - Balls can explode at your feet Literally, Literally - You can play out of your skin Literally, Literally - Might end up with no left foot Literally, Literally - You could get turned inside out Anything can happen during a football game L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y Literally, Literally - Could become non-existent Literally, Literally - Spontaneously catch fire Literally, Literally - Get hit by a kitchen sink Literally, Literally - Could be put to the sword Anything can happen during a football game L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y Literally, Literally - Park your bus on the pitch Literally, Literally - The game can be put to bed Literally, Literally - Crosses can arrive on a plate Literally, Literally - In your youth, have been a greyhound Anything can happen during a football game L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y
Don't read the chatboxes beside football streams Hit the X on the box, quick as you can, don't be tempted to have a quick scan. Racists and Homophobes Levels of idiocy, previously unknown Even Youtube commenters in comparison seem bright Game after game Just spewing the same ol (utter) shite Don't read the chatboxes beside football streams
We've Gone Quiet, They don't fancy it, Who wants it? Where Was The Shout? Get it out Straight In, All Day, One of you! Who's man was that?, Get back! Two On The Edge, It's Still 0-0, Ref! Ref! How long?, Their heads; Their heads have gone. Vocabulary of a football team. Down the line, Stand 'him up!, Don't dive in, Take him on!, You're on. Time, Away, Put it in the mixer, Man on, Move it quicker. Get rid!, Watch the short!, Heads have dropped , Penalty spot, Over the top Vocabulary of a football team. Get it on the floor! Turn and face, Launch it!, Back if ya need, Too easy He's only got one foot! Box 'Em In!, Make it count, Don't let it bounce! Vocabulary of a football team.
Little prick thinks he can do it all Little shit, you're in for a fall (Here comes) an early reducer, nowhere near the ball Try that little flick just one more time Put the ball through my legs again, you're gonna die (Here comes) an early reducer, that's bullseye! Il get inside your head Il put you in Row Z You're nothing but a showpony Your reputation means nothing to me So heed my warning... or with an early reducer Il be flying in... Sweet nothings breathing down your neck Bite yer legs, this game, you'll never forget Gaffers orders in Put the reducer on him You're not there for your ball skills You're not there for your ball skills One job to do, that's it
Advantage, Back-pass Backheel, Booking Centre circle, Chip Clean sheet, Corner flag, Corner kick Counter-attack, Cross, Curl Crossbar, Dead ball Diving, Dribbling Drop ball, Dummy....football...the a-z of football Equaliser, Extra time False nine, Final whistle Flat back four, Flick-on Formation, Fourth official Foul, Free kick,Fullback Goalmouth Scramble,Ghost goal Giant-killing, Goalkeeper, Goal kick, Goal line...football...the a-z of football Goalmouth, Goalpost Golden goal, Half-time Handbags, Hand-ball Hand of God, Hat-trick Header, High boot Holding role, Howler Injury time, Keepie-uppie Kick and rush, Kick-off, ........football...the a-z of football Linesman, Last man Long ball, Magic sponge Man of the match, Marking Nutmeg, Mazy run Obstruction, Offside Offside trap, One-two Open goal, Overlap Own goal, Pass....football...the a-z of football Penalty area, Penalty kick Penalty shootout, Play to the whistle Playmaker, Professional foul Red card, Referee Round the 'keeper, Route one Scissor kick, Scorpion kick Sending off, Set piece, Shutout, Shoot....football...the a-z of football Simulation, Side netting Slide tackle, Spot-kick Stepover, Stoppage time Striker, Sudden death Substitute, Suspension Sweeper, Tackle, Target man,Through-ball, Throw-in, Tiki-taka...football...the a-z of football Toe punt, Top corner, Total Football, Two-footed, Volley ,Wall, Winger, Woodwork, Yellow card.....football...the a-z of football Pass, Run, Shoot, Score YAAAAAA....the a-z of football


released August 15, 2014


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